so because i'm learning more about myself i'm realizing things i love. here is a list of things that i see today that i love/enjoy:
-men in suits.
-ingrid michaelson's song "the chain"
-flat bill hats.
-old homes
-Chattanooga... i have to add a comment here. i know i talk about chattanooga all the times...probably too much but i really do love it. now that i'm moving back for atleast the summer im getting excited at the thought of being back. i told my dad i'll be taking "chattanooga by storm" but we'll see...and i know the reality that i may not want to stay long but i'm excited to try.
-linen pants.
-having long(er) hair.
thats it for now.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
procrastination.
right now i should be studying for my big calculus test that is tomorrow. i needed a break, however, from the frustration of the subject...so why not blog? perfect.
i haven't blogged in awhile but its because i haven't made time for it. i had much to blog about but who knows how much i'll remember.
over the last two weeks, i have continued to learn more about myself and more about where the Lord has me right now. my discipleship has been really good and brought many things to my attention. i have known that i'm stubborn and don't like to ask people for help...but that also means that I haven't been asking the Lord for help. once i realized that i can ask the Lord for help, it all made sense...i know, its simple but it has made things much easier for me. i also have been learning more about the Lord's love for me. i tend to put high expectations on myself but thankfully the Lord doesn't have those expectations for me...this whole time that i've been frustrated/mad/disappointed with myself, i have put those things on the Lord too...but its just not true. i'm still having a hard time living out of the truth and freedom of God's love but as i'm learning, these things come with time and not over night (another thing i expect out of myself...it never ends). the Lord has been patient with me though and i am grateful. i am also grateful for his unfailing love...and blessed to be loved unconditionally. i look forward to the day that i live and walk in His love.
last week i danced in offertory at wesley. although i have done this before, last wednesday was much different. see, i choreographed this offertory, so it was my dance. i can't even begin to explain to you my nervousness the entire day. i have never felt so vulnerable before...it was a dance that i put together and taught...and we danced it in front of a good 800 people to watch and judge and critique. so scary. while i know it doesn't matter what they think, it still adds pressure to the night. the whole experience was humbling, though, in that it taught me more about vulnerability. now i can begin to understand what chefs, artists, writers and other dancers feel like when a piece of them is put on the chopping block. it really could be with anything so i'm happy to have had my first major experience in front of the wesley body...the least judgemental group i could start with. this, too, is something i am grateful for. i am, every day, becoming more grateful for my ability to dance. its something i truly love to do. its nerve-racking, hard-work, exhausting, emotional, exhilarating, and tedious all in one. i love that i hate dance sometimes and i love that it gets the best of me sometimes...i love that dance is a constant struggle but i love the days when i love it and it feels like second nature to me. i am thankful that this semester has been full of dance for me. i am thankful for the opportunity to be involved in a christian environment to dance. i am nervous about my big performance coming up and its for many reasons which don't matter. but more than anything i'm excited to be backstage, in the wings, with knots in my stomach, heart bounding, adrenalin pumping ready to dance. even more exciting is that i'll be doing it for the Lord and worshiping Him through my movements.
so...it's almost the end of march. as many of my other posts have mentioned, i'm dreading graduation. and as it approaches my emotions continue to take a roller-coaster ride. even if someone had warned me, i don't think i could have prepared for this semester. today i thought a lot about saying goodbye to everyone and it could have literally torn my heart in pieces if i let it. i still try to get to the bottom of why it is that i hate change so much and why it is that i hate to say goodbye... right now it seems as though many of my friends will stay in athens which is really exciting for them but also makes me sad. while i know i'm not supposed to be in athens next year, it doesn't make the truth easier. there are many things i'll have to transition through over the next 2-3 months...thankfully i know the Lord is with me through every step...sometimes this truth isn't the most comforting though. i thought about my future too much on friday and as i walked into my room, i thought to myself "i could stay in this room indefinitely." the thought occurred to me, what i would want the most is for all 6 of us to stay in this incredible house, each doing our own thing but stay together, live together. the thought of living my life without these wonderful girls could kill me. i know change is good- and its inevitable- but for me its the thing i dread the most. the Lord knows this though and will teach me lots during this time, and i am confident in this. He has my best for me. i thankfully live in this house and have close family and friends that support and encourage me through this season which is one of the biggest gifts and blessings from the Lord.
i just ranted a lot and have calculus calling my name again. the Lord is good. Always.
i haven't blogged in awhile but its because i haven't made time for it. i had much to blog about but who knows how much i'll remember.
over the last two weeks, i have continued to learn more about myself and more about where the Lord has me right now. my discipleship has been really good and brought many things to my attention. i have known that i'm stubborn and don't like to ask people for help...but that also means that I haven't been asking the Lord for help. once i realized that i can ask the Lord for help, it all made sense...i know, its simple but it has made things much easier for me. i also have been learning more about the Lord's love for me. i tend to put high expectations on myself but thankfully the Lord doesn't have those expectations for me...this whole time that i've been frustrated/mad/disappointed with myself, i have put those things on the Lord too...but its just not true. i'm still having a hard time living out of the truth and freedom of God's love but as i'm learning, these things come with time and not over night (another thing i expect out of myself...it never ends). the Lord has been patient with me though and i am grateful. i am also grateful for his unfailing love...and blessed to be loved unconditionally. i look forward to the day that i live and walk in His love.
last week i danced in offertory at wesley. although i have done this before, last wednesday was much different. see, i choreographed this offertory, so it was my dance. i can't even begin to explain to you my nervousness the entire day. i have never felt so vulnerable before...it was a dance that i put together and taught...and we danced it in front of a good 800 people to watch and judge and critique. so scary. while i know it doesn't matter what they think, it still adds pressure to the night. the whole experience was humbling, though, in that it taught me more about vulnerability. now i can begin to understand what chefs, artists, writers and other dancers feel like when a piece of them is put on the chopping block. it really could be with anything so i'm happy to have had my first major experience in front of the wesley body...the least judgemental group i could start with. this, too, is something i am grateful for. i am, every day, becoming more grateful for my ability to dance. its something i truly love to do. its nerve-racking, hard-work, exhausting, emotional, exhilarating, and tedious all in one. i love that i hate dance sometimes and i love that it gets the best of me sometimes...i love that dance is a constant struggle but i love the days when i love it and it feels like second nature to me. i am thankful that this semester has been full of dance for me. i am thankful for the opportunity to be involved in a christian environment to dance. i am nervous about my big performance coming up and its for many reasons which don't matter. but more than anything i'm excited to be backstage, in the wings, with knots in my stomach, heart bounding, adrenalin pumping ready to dance. even more exciting is that i'll be doing it for the Lord and worshiping Him through my movements.
so...it's almost the end of march. as many of my other posts have mentioned, i'm dreading graduation. and as it approaches my emotions continue to take a roller-coaster ride. even if someone had warned me, i don't think i could have prepared for this semester. today i thought a lot about saying goodbye to everyone and it could have literally torn my heart in pieces if i let it. i still try to get to the bottom of why it is that i hate change so much and why it is that i hate to say goodbye... right now it seems as though many of my friends will stay in athens which is really exciting for them but also makes me sad. while i know i'm not supposed to be in athens next year, it doesn't make the truth easier. there are many things i'll have to transition through over the next 2-3 months...thankfully i know the Lord is with me through every step...sometimes this truth isn't the most comforting though. i thought about my future too much on friday and as i walked into my room, i thought to myself "i could stay in this room indefinitely." the thought occurred to me, what i would want the most is for all 6 of us to stay in this incredible house, each doing our own thing but stay together, live together. the thought of living my life without these wonderful girls could kill me. i know change is good- and its inevitable- but for me its the thing i dread the most. the Lord knows this though and will teach me lots during this time, and i am confident in this. He has my best for me. i thankfully live in this house and have close family and friends that support and encourage me through this season which is one of the biggest gifts and blessings from the Lord.
i just ranted a lot and have calculus calling my name again. the Lord is good. Always.
Monday, March 15, 2010
lots of mental pictures
i'm back to the grind. no more breaks until graduation. is that even right? i've said it a bunch but it just can't be right... i just moved into the dorms with 4 full years of college life ahead of me. now i have approximately 7 weeks left (i refuse to do any counting). life goes on though...and so must i...
last week my roommates and i took a nice trip to florida for spring break. i titled this entry "lots of mental pictures" because we literally took zero pictures. we did nothing all week. it was incredible. thankfully we had good weather most of the week...on the two days it rained i didn't leave the house. the grandmother house we rented had a huge HD tv and an incredible recliner... and you ask "why would i leave those two things for the rain?" my thoughts exactly. even though 2 roommates couldn't join us, it was great to spend time with the rest of them. i am incredibly blessed to live with 5 other amazing women. they have taught me so much and i am forever thankful. i love that all 6 of us love ingrid michaelson. we jammed out to her a lot on the drive down and drive back.
march madness started yesterday and it is very exciting. i have filled out two brackets on espn...hopefully one of them will win some money.
as i blog one of my favorite songs started playing on pandora. its green eyes by coldplay. classic.
overall i'm glad to be back in athens getting stuff done. restoration stuff is picking up which is keeping me super busy but its great. i pray that the Lord really uses the performance this year and that lots of people come! it'll be a great show and i'm blessed to be a part of it.
He is good.
last week my roommates and i took a nice trip to florida for spring break. i titled this entry "lots of mental pictures" because we literally took zero pictures. we did nothing all week. it was incredible. thankfully we had good weather most of the week...on the two days it rained i didn't leave the house. the grandmother house we rented had a huge HD tv and an incredible recliner... and you ask "why would i leave those two things for the rain?" my thoughts exactly. even though 2 roommates couldn't join us, it was great to spend time with the rest of them. i am incredibly blessed to live with 5 other amazing women. they have taught me so much and i am forever thankful. i love that all 6 of us love ingrid michaelson. we jammed out to her a lot on the drive down and drive back.
march madness started yesterday and it is very exciting. i have filled out two brackets on espn...hopefully one of them will win some money.
as i blog one of my favorite songs started playing on pandora. its green eyes by coldplay. classic.
overall i'm glad to be back in athens getting stuff done. restoration stuff is picking up which is keeping me super busy but its great. i pray that the Lord really uses the performance this year and that lots of people come! it'll be a great show and i'm blessed to be a part of it.
He is good.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
stand still
i hit a bit of a stand still on the blog. after a few days, however, i have a few things to say...
i am currently in a weird time in my life. so many thoughts and emotions flowing through me its hard to keep up. i dont know what to focus on or keep my mind on... i'm hoping spring break will open things up and allow me to see the now. i pray that the Lord will show me what He wants me to focus on...i'm afraid none of the things i am thinking is what He wants me to be spending my time focusing on...
i love living in the south. the past few days men have gone out of their way to keep or open the door for me. its a small gesture but they make it and it is awesome. sometimes i enjoy being taken care of in the most simple ways. so thank you, southern gentleman, for showing you care.
i have realized this semester that i have an irrational fear of walking into the men's restroom. on my first real date back in 8th grade, i got to the movies before the guy did and because i was so early i hung out around the outside of the movie theater...i was also so nervous that i walked into the men's restroom. i was mortified! i don't know why i think its such a big deal...but those bathrooms in the MLC always mess me up so i end up triple-checking to make sure. anyways, its weird i know, but i figured i would share that random tidbit about myself. enjoy.
isn't it weird that we go through phases at different paces? its great and needed in this world but i currently want new music... this sudden burst of interest comes at totally different increments in my life. its good because while some people are content with their music, others will be re-vamping their library. i've realized this semester, as well, that some of my favorite time spent with God is listening to "secular" music. it speaks to my heart...it comforts it and humbles it in a way words and silence can't. this is another quirk that God gave me at birth. i am thankful for it though... i do, however, need to become more comfortable in silence.
tonight was my last home basketball game. i will be completely honest and tell you it was an emotional few minutes when i realized it was the last one as a student. i sat there remembering where i sat in the stegeman coliseum for the first time...it was in aug 25th (or something) of 2006 and it was a pep rally for football, also known as first friday... also, on monday i had the opportunity to call high school seniors who had just been admitted to UGA. one girl was super sweet...both of her parents had attended uga, she had already sent in her commitment deposit and she was super excited to be in athens in the fall. she asked what year i was and quickly asked "oh, are you excited to graduate?!" i told her that i'd love to be in her shoes again...she didn't seem to really understand but how could she? i know its weird to people, but i hate change and i completely dislike saying goodbye to people. thats what the month of may will look like to me... its good, healthy and inevitable, i know. but it'll be hard. this is truth.
enjoy His love- live it out.
-rebes
i am currently in a weird time in my life. so many thoughts and emotions flowing through me its hard to keep up. i dont know what to focus on or keep my mind on... i'm hoping spring break will open things up and allow me to see the now. i pray that the Lord will show me what He wants me to focus on...i'm afraid none of the things i am thinking is what He wants me to be spending my time focusing on...
i love living in the south. the past few days men have gone out of their way to keep or open the door for me. its a small gesture but they make it and it is awesome. sometimes i enjoy being taken care of in the most simple ways. so thank you, southern gentleman, for showing you care.
i have realized this semester that i have an irrational fear of walking into the men's restroom. on my first real date back in 8th grade, i got to the movies before the guy did and because i was so early i hung out around the outside of the movie theater...i was also so nervous that i walked into the men's restroom. i was mortified! i don't know why i think its such a big deal...but those bathrooms in the MLC always mess me up so i end up triple-checking to make sure. anyways, its weird i know, but i figured i would share that random tidbit about myself. enjoy.
isn't it weird that we go through phases at different paces? its great and needed in this world but i currently want new music... this sudden burst of interest comes at totally different increments in my life. its good because while some people are content with their music, others will be re-vamping their library. i've realized this semester, as well, that some of my favorite time spent with God is listening to "secular" music. it speaks to my heart...it comforts it and humbles it in a way words and silence can't. this is another quirk that God gave me at birth. i am thankful for it though... i do, however, need to become more comfortable in silence.
tonight was my last home basketball game. i will be completely honest and tell you it was an emotional few minutes when i realized it was the last one as a student. i sat there remembering where i sat in the stegeman coliseum for the first time...it was in aug 25th (or something) of 2006 and it was a pep rally for football, also known as first friday... also, on monday i had the opportunity to call high school seniors who had just been admitted to UGA. one girl was super sweet...both of her parents had attended uga, she had already sent in her commitment deposit and she was super excited to be in athens in the fall. she asked what year i was and quickly asked "oh, are you excited to graduate?!" i told her that i'd love to be in her shoes again...she didn't seem to really understand but how could she? i know its weird to people, but i hate change and i completely dislike saying goodbye to people. thats what the month of may will look like to me... its good, healthy and inevitable, i know. but it'll be hard. this is truth.
enjoy His love- live it out.
-rebes
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