growing up.

i have an interview tomorrow. thankfully i'm not nervous about it, but as i get ready for the drive tomorrow (for the interview) i realize what i have done to prepare for it... my hoop nose ring is gone, my coral-colored nail polish is off as well. all my belongings are now in a black "business" purse and my heels are ready to be worn. don't get me wrong, i like wearing business clothes but i can't help but wonder: what am i sacrificing now for an uncertain future? i guess what i'm saying is that i love being unique, i love having quirks and differences. i love that other people are different too...but preparing for this interview, i had to put all of that aside and look how the world thinks i should look. as things around me are changing quicker than i can even process, where have i put myself? i walked in one of my favorite vintage stores today and found killer vintage sunglasses. i thought they looked great on me- and they were on sale. but i didn't buy them. to be honest, i didn't know what the world would think of them. i'm embarrassed to admit that i let the world dictate my actions like that...but its what happened. this is one more phase of growing up that i'll have to adjust to. what does it look like to be unique and quirky in the business world? i almost want to ask if its okay to be quirky in the business world, but i know it is okay. what will it look like for me though? will i get a job where i can mix vintage pieces with my modern suit? will i work in an environment that allows me to be comfortable in my oxymoron state? i want that and more than that, i want to stay in the now and not begin conforming to the world because i think its the responsible thing to do... 3 months ago i would have bought those great sunglasses, but why not now? maybe i should title this self-reflection time...but i can't help but blame it on growing up.

reflections

since i only have one week of classes left, i have been reflecting on every semester throughout the last 4 years. naturally, i thought i could share my reflections with y'all...

my time at uga started in a late weekend in july at dawg camp. a camp for incoming freshman, it was a weekend to get to know some people before classes start. i loved dawg camp and am so glad i went back in 2006. not only did i have fun but i also met katie, my roommate now. for our friendship alone, i am glad i went! we were in red group #3, i'm pretty sure. i loved the games and competitions that we did throughout the weekend. although i'm pretty sure the black group won at the end of the weekend...

it was august 13th 2006 when i moved into creswell hall. david helped me pack up his dad's suburban and my dad squeezed in the back seat. moving my stuff in was stressful but the three of us got it done. i met my roommate samantha that day too! we had varsity for lunch and before i knew it, i was left alone in my dorm room. room 363 on hall 3D. i loved my room and quickly loved the girls on my hall. that same night katie picked me up and some dawg camp people went to starbucks and hung out on north campus. those were the days when i hated coffee and got a hot chocolate instead. i remember it being a hot august day and practically sweating & drinking hot chocolate, haha!

one of my all time favorite weekends in the fall was october 6 & 7. october 6 was a friday, i remember i had a pre-cal exam and did well on it. and the student alumni association had an event at the bookstore that i went to... i got my picture with hairy dawg and got vince dooley's autograph. it doesn't seem like such a big deal now, but at the time i was excited! that night melissa came into town and so did david. the next day, the 7th, was the georgia/tennessee game so my parents and aunt misti came into town on saturday. i think it was perfect timing to have family come to see me. if you don't remember, georgia lost to tennessee and it was a painful game to watch but nonetheless, it was a great weekend. i remember being proud to be on my own and proud to show off my dorm room, haha. pretty funny to think about now...

oh, freshman year. when everything was new and things were just beginning. i'm thankful to still have good friends from freshman year and have been there with me through it all.

choice

so, its tuesday. this tuesday has just been "one of those days." i hate to say it, but its true. i had a lot due today, and didn't feel prepared for much...i have lots on my mind and its been threatening rain all day. as i'm typing, it doesn't seem like much but its just "one of those days." and the worst part about these kind of days, for me, is the reality that its a choice to let these days get me down. i know that its a choice. i know that i can change my mind set...but these days make it that much harder. its these days that tempt me to avoid praying and asking God to help me. i don't want to ask Him for help... i should be able to handle it on my own, right? (wrong.) obviously this is far from true but its what i tend to think. so this adds to the theme of the day and it cycles through. i need to get out of this cycle, even if it is awful weather or rude customers walk into the office. the Lord is consistent. He doesn't change. He is the same today with rain, that He'll be tomorrow with sunshine. add it to the list of things i don't understand about the Lord...and to the list of truths I need to hold onto daily. He doesn't give us more than we can handle but it seems He likes to push us to the edge. probably so we'll re-focus on Him, which is where i tend to fail. so, as i type this blog and try to forget about the worries of this day and the days to come, i am trying to re-focus my attention, heart, mind and thoughts on the Lord. He is good. He loves me, regardless of today. He has purpose for me. He can help me.

i love...part 2

things i love:

-i love dressing in business clothes. it makes me excited about my future job and happy to be a management major...you may need to remind me of this when i complain about my classes in the next 2 weeks...

-i love banquets. i loved the sports banquet in high school, i always loved going to luncheons with my mom growing up and i still love them now. i look forward to banquets for my friends, husband and kids. yes, its true.

-i love that in the south, the only beverage on the table at banquets and luncheons is tea. thats all to be said.

-i still love hearing "The University of Georgia" and i still love hearing people talk about it and calling it "a great institution"

-i love my on-campus job. this year i've had the opportunity to meet lots of people in my office and department and its been a lot of fun. add it to the list of things i'm sad to leave.

-i love that my family is planning this wedding around sports. this week my mom asked me to look up more sporting events to make sure they didn't interfere... thankfully melissa and alex have picked the only off-week in UT's schedule and its after the ryder cup and before the world series. the guests should be happy...did i mention that UGA has a football game on this date? yeah, looks like the MOH will be sacrificing...it'll be worth it though.

-i love that i'll always be learning about sports. its one of the few things i'm excited to learn more about everyday.

-i love the way my room is set up...and i even love my crazy way of organizing in it. i can only hope that my husband will love the method to my madness too. a girl can hope, right?

-i love old things. there are few things that i'd prefer buying new (one being shoes, for example). i love old furniture, i love older cars, i love older clothing styles, i love older homes and i usually love most old, simple jewelry. i don't know if this is was more nature than nurture (sometimes i wonder that about myself) but either way, i love older things.

thats enough for today. right now i love my bed and i love that tomorrow is friday. what i don't love is that our language only has one word for "love"...naturally that makes me want to use it less, but i can't help it. oh well.

validation

as mentioned in my last post, i had breakfast with my friend paige on sunday. while talking to her, i mentioned how one of my best friends from chattanooga, ashley, surprised me for my performance on friday. it was great to see her and sweet of her to surprise me! anyways, i was telling her how nice it is to talk with people from chattanooga and from my high school because they completely understand my thinking. obviously my friends in athens listen and try to understand but its not quite the same. either way, i realized that this sense of comfort comes from a feeling of being validated. when i talk to people with similar interests and ideas of mine, it makes me more confident and peaceful about my thoughts and decisions. i met with one of my professors today and left her office feeling the same way. i am on the right track for my paper in that class and my resume that i'm sending out to employers. then i got to thinking about calculus. oh calculus. i waited till my last semester to take this required class and it hasn't been easy. this math class is time consuming but i'm also working really hard so that i can do well. (math is my subject, i should get a good grade) sometimes when i go to office hours, my teacher isn't the most friendly which makes me even harder on myself and makes me question the amount of effort i'm putting into the class. today it hit me. i'm trying in this class. yes, sometimes i forgot to complete a worksheet or i give up on one homework problem...but i'm still trying. so regardless of whether my teacher is validating my work, i need to be able to look at myself and know i've tried my hardest. and i have and will continue to until my final on may 7. everyone will look different in that class, as far as grades go, but i don't want to care about what i think my teacher thinks about me. she may be disappointed in me or think i don't make this class a priority, but i do. this is all that matters. and even more than this, i need to walk in the fact that the Lord validates me. He not only recognizes my worth but He knows it more than i do. so, today i'm asking Him to help me realize this in my life...i'm thinking this may help me not be so hard on myself. i have worth, i try hard and while i'm not perfect, i'm validated.

epic weekend.

so, i have re-vamped my blog. i like it right now. hope you do too.

this friday, april 9th, the wesley foundation put on our annual spring dance concert, restoration. it is intended to be a night of worship and dance and friday, it truly was this. all last week we were rehearsing and getting ready for the performance and all of our hard work paid off. besides the fact that my roommate, wonderful sarah, seriously injured her knee, the show was incredible. she doesn't know this, but her injury freaked me out but it really released my nerves on stage and let me just dance. there she was getting rolled away in a wheelchair to the hospital, not able to dance the rest of the night...so i wanted to dance enough for the both of us. it was great. i obviously hate that she got hurt though and am praying for a quick quick recovery. my family came down for the performance and pretty much all my closest friends were there too. i felt like one lucky girl to have such a strong support system. its weird that dance is over for the semester, and probably for awhile, but it was worth every painful moment, every tear and everyone friendship made.

saturday morning, i got to spend time with the family and talk more about the wedding. now i have time, besides school, to help my sissy out...funny story, i used to call her sissy and one day she told me not to. at the time i was sad, now it makes sense haha. anyways, after the fam left we went to the G-Day game, which is our spring football scrimmage game. i won't lie, it was hard to concentrate on everything but i loved seeing the red and black in the stadium again. after the game, me and emily hung out with sarah and gave her company since she was stuck in bed. she's been a real trooper throughout the whole thing and that knee hasn't gotten her humor. after hanging with her, my girl brittany and i went to the David Gray concert in atlanta. brittany is my concert buddy and i love going with her. i was given david gray's music back in high school and freshman year of college but i didn't get hooked until sophomore year. the song "Shine" from his first album got me through my spring semester of sophomore year...i was addicted to it. well, he played it on saturday and i could have cried it was so good. its pretty rare that artists play their first song from their first album (ok, well john mayer did it in march too, but its still pretty rare). after my recent research, the album with the song "Shine" came out in 1993 and it was released as a single. kinda weird that i love a song now that came out when i was 5... anyways, the show was fantastic. it was a smaller venue and there were older people there so it was a different crowd. he is just an incredible musician, songwriter and singer and i'm really glad we went.

sunday i had breakfast with my new friend paige and it was nice to talk with her. she leaves for haiti today which is exciting and nice of her to make time for me before her departure. church was good and so was sunday afternoon. i wasn't too productive all day but i had relaxing times with the roommates and had dinner at the grill with sarah's mom- yummy.

this weekend was fun because i danced, obviously, but i also got great quality time with friends. i pray for more of that the next 3 weeks because its what i am craving. oh, and i also need to get homework done. haha oh, how senioritis bug has gotten me.

how could you say no to this?

I have a large desire to have a dog these days... a great dane in fact. After this picture, it has been added to my wish list. I've also added it to my graduation gift. Laptop or great dane?! I choose great dane...

....

okay, so i'm currently at work and trying to get things done but i just can't. i'm going to try to blog-it-out but i only have 10 minutes, so we'll see...

the big dance performance that i'm in is this friday...while rehearsal went well on monday, i have become more and more stressed throughout the week. not only am i worried about it but i have loads of other stuff to do this week. somehow all my school work has piled up this week and its crunch time. add in the fact that i want to be looking for jobs and planning my sister's wedding and you should begin to understand my feelings right now...oh, and did i mention that i keep receiving emails about the fact that i'm graduating and only have 3 weeks left as a UGA student? what?!! how can this be? either way, this is truth and i need the Lord to show me how to handle it all, because He knows how i don't handle stress well.

speaking of the Lord... i'm reading Crazy Love again with the two girls i disciple... its a great book but while reading chapter 4 today, i couldn't help but reflect on my life up to today. the whole chapter is about Lukewarm Christians and what their lives look like...of course i have those tendencies which make me frustrated... but this whole semester i've been learning about the Lord's love. He loves me because He loves me because He loves me... i've realized this semester that i tend to get caught up in the things that i think i "should" and "should not" do...but after reading this chapter, i see there are things i should be doing and many things i should not be doing. as Christians, we're called to be In this world but not be Of this world. this is something i have really thought about more and more as i get older, knowing that i'll really be in the world once i enter the job market. what it boils down to, is that fact that we should desire to be like Jesus...we should desire to do what He asks of us... and at the end of the day we can strive for that desire or we can rely on the Lord to give us this desire. its all interconnected and doesn't always make sense but the Lord is constant and this is the truth i need to hold on to. in a life and world of change, the Lord is there and never changes. this fact is true comfort for me. this week, not only do i need to be asking the Lord for big things on April 9, but i need Him to help me see the important things in life and where my time should be spent. i know growing closer to the Lord and glorifying Him in all that i do is a good start, but i need His grace to help me while i grow in my walk with Him.

ahh... this is only the surface of my mind. so many questions and thoughts. happy wednesday, y'all!

celebration

this past weekend, i went home for the first time in about 6 weeks. as you know, i've been thinking about moving back to chatt...thankfully after this weekend it is clear as day that its what i am supposed to do and where i'm supposed to be! here are my reasons why...

my sister and her boyfriend are ENGAGED! woo hoo! i am so unbelievably excited for the two of them and their future together! my sister already asked me to be the maid of honor, so we were quick to start the planning. they want the wedding to be in the fall, so we gotta get to work. while i'm dreading graduating, i now have something beyond exciting to look forward to and help plan! the timing of the whole thing has worked out perfectly and it makes me certain that the Lord brought it all together. He knew that this would be the perfect thing for me and my transition back home and He knows that I love planning and am super excited to help my sister. He also knows the timing of my sister and her fiancé's lives...it was the perfect weekend to get everything in motion! to top it all off, i realized that this will be the first event for both sides of my family to get together. as i get older, my family means more and more to me...so how could i not be excited about my sister marrying an incredible guy AND celebrating it with all of our families... its the perfect reason to celebrate with those loved ones close to us! plus this has made me appreciate the meaning of a wedding which is awesome.

on saturday night, i got together with some people from high school. because i was at the same school for so long, i have a deep love for it and the people that were there with me. i have loved coming home and getting together with people this past year... i think its the fact that we're older and more mature but either way, i love catching up with them! i'm also more thankful that we forget all the crazy, ridiculous things we said while we were in high school. if i had a dollar for every time i said i'd never live in chattanooga, i'd have my rent paid for this month. ha ha, yeah, i'm eating my words but its good because it reminds me how little i knew in high school and how great it is to know what i want now. being at home this weekend allowed me to picture and dream about life there...i sit here now really excited to come back and try it for real this summer. i also realized this weekend that i crave time with my parents...as time has gone on, my time at home is never enough to catch up, relax and get stuff done. when i'm home, i'll get to spend more quality time with them and i'll get to do more things for them that i haven't gotten to do since i've been in college (ie cook dinner for them).

my weekend was relaxing and celebratory...but more than both it was an answer to my prayers. the Lord did hear me when i was freaking out about my future and my life. He knows me better than myself...and He really does know what is best for me even when i don't. i know home won't be a walk in the park, and i realize that i may not stay there long. but i'm moving back and i'm excited about it today and for that i am thankful.i pray now that i'll continue to live in the moment, enjoy every second in athens while also looking forward the future and the things to come!

minus the stye on my eye, i had one of the best weekends in chattanooga. the Lord is good. All the time!