enjoy. breath. smile.

well. here it is. the end of may. something i've only been talking and thinking about for the past 5 months. i'm not sure where time went but i guess it doesn't matter because its gone and i'm here.

this month i graduated from the university of georgia. woo hoo! its exciting yet sad all in one. i had both a business school graduation and a school wide graduation- and of course i went to both. and i didn't cry at either one- i mean i got teary-eyed but i held it together. and while the terry college of business ceremony was great- i had the dread of finals hanging over my head the whole time. but, may 8th, after everything was finished, was a glorious day! i can almost say after may 8th, all of my fear and sadness about leaving uga was gone... almost. when something ends so perfectly (and yes, i use perfect because the day could not have been any better) i know its the right time to move on. while i'm still learning all about the Lord and His love, it was evident to me on the 8th. He knows what would make my day perfect and what would make my transition easier and He made it happen. i know, without a doubt, i was meant to be in athens for 4 years. not 4.5, not 3.5 but 4. while the chapter may be ending, and its very sad, its the most comforting thing to know its perfect timing. while i'm still adjusting to being an alum, i know i'll always be connected to uga which is more than i could ask for.

which brings me to the next chapter of my life. who know where i'll be in 3 weeks/months/years or what i'll be doing. i won't lie, its been a rollercoaster this month. what to do? where to go? who to be with? while most of my questions remain unanswered, i'm trying to hold on to the fact that the Lord is consistent. He is steady. He is in control. even though i would like to be master planner and have things "under control" in my life, this is apparently not His agenda. recently i felt like i had some kind of control on my life, just to realize that i had lost myself in the mess. i'm not even sure i'm making sense, but i can't really hide it, because right now there isn't much that does make sense. and this is good, even when there is a large part of me that hates it. and while this may seem like complaining, i am here to say its not. its merely just a reminder for me (and maybe you) to relax in the truths about the Lord. while i'm hating this season now, i know its only good for me and only good will come from it. and thankfully, i'll get a job somewhere and somehow decide where to live. He is making a path for me, even when i can't see it.

i pack up and move out in 3 days. its going to be hard and there will be plenty of tears, but knowing everything has been perfect up until now i have faith knowing there is more to come in my lifetime. when i think about my life at uga (i'm visual) i see all of my bumps in the road and all of my great adventures. at the end of the day, i wouldn't change a thing. which shows me, once again, to go with the flow of this season and enjoy. so, here's to enjoying life, even when its incredibly frustrating.

Gold

as i still process everything that has happened the past 2 weeks, i'd like to share something with you. if you have not taken the colors test- i highly suggest it. i've had to take it for numerous things but the people at wesley love to talk about colors and what it means. naturally, i now love to talk about it too. each time i have taken the test i have been Gold. one of my roommates gave me a little piece of [gold] paper that has the description on it...if i could give a piece of paper to someone as soon as i met them, i'd hand them this exact paper. as things are changing around me, i'm reminded daily that i'm still the same- that the things i like and love are okay, because its how God crafted me to be. that being said, here is the little piece of paper that can almost sum me up...

"I follow the rules and respect authority.
Loyal- Dependable-Prepared
I have a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong.
Thorough- Sensible- Punctual
I need to be useful and to belong.
Faithful- Stable- Organized
I value home and family.
Caring- Concerned- Concrete
I am a natural preserver, a good citizen and helpful."

"At work or in school: I like set routines & organized ways of doing things, rules and directions. I like to know what is expected of me & know if I'm on the right track. I like subjects that are useful and traditional- like Business."

"With friends: I like my friends to be loyal, dependable and on time. I am serious about love and show it in practical ways"

"With family: I like stability and security and enjoy traditions and frequent celebrations. I like to spend holidays with family members and plan ahead for such gatherings."

thanks true-colors. com for reading me so well.
i pray that i hold on to who i am- gold or not- and continue to trust in God to place me exactly where i need to be in the upcoming months.

house of cards

okay, i'm supposed to be working on a paper so i plan for this to be short... we'll see.

as i sit here, working on my last paper as an undergraduate, my music is playing. personally, i find radiohead to be wonderful studying music. after the song reckoner, house of cards follows. i got this cd back in january of 2008 (thanks david) and one of the first times i studied to it was in jittery joe's at 5 points. i remember that day/night like it was yesterday and when house of cards just started playing, i felt like i was back there again. i thought something along the lines of "oh, yeah that wasn't too long ago." not only did this memory happen over 2 years ago, but my life was completely different back then. while at jittery joes, with marie, i was studying accounting. it was my first full semester as a pre-business major & i was being a good student studying on a saturday night. it was also my first time studying at the jittery joes. i was also only a sophomore in college. i had 2 full years of school ahead of me. as i listen to the song/cd now, i realize (again) that its the end. i think at this point, its not so much sad as it is weird. my roommate was packing up her room today. what?! her room won't be there the next month while i'm here hanging out and working?!? its just weird. its also weird when i have run into people this week, because i don't know when i'll see them again. its the strangest and saddest part about saying goodbye to people. i love meeting new people and i know they aren't gone forever, but when is the next time?

i gotta get back to this paper and try to not get lost in the reality or the future. idk where that leaves me...